Text 31 Aug 2 notes

vitalpulse said: I just saw your post under the recovery tag and I just want to give you a little reminder that you can get through this! You did for 3 years and you can for 3 more and longer! You are strong and you are capable! Just believe in yourself and just do anything to take your mind off of this! Don't forget to stay strong 🌷 you can talk to me anytime you need anything!

Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement. It really means a lot!

Text 31 Aug 1 note The Urge…

The urge to binge and purge, which I have not done in almost 3 years, is extraordinarily intense right now. This fucking sucks.

Video 28 Aug 312,376 notes




He tries so hard no to say, “A big black cock.” Only 15 seconds. Worth the watch.

why does this have so few notes?

omg i came for the big black cock and got a lot more than i expected

Video 27 Aug 850,382 notes




#this is it this is american television

that all happened in under 2 minutes

this is honestly a spiritual experience

(Source: heycinco)

Text 21 Aug 2 notes Update!

So, it’s storming out. No jogging for me this morning.

I did, however, do a short round of beginners Pilates for the first time. And I feel great!

I feel like the 15 minute video was a perfect amount of time and I have no urge to keep going right now. I am not exhausted or weak. Quite the opposite, really!

I feel energized, strong, confident, and very appreciative of my body right now!

Text 20 Aug 3 notes Exercise?

So… I’ve been out of residential for over a year now and I am doing really well in recovery. I’m off a meal plan and just following hunger cues and make sure to get a variety of food groups each day.

I think I’m ready to start exercising again. I don’t want to exercise necessarily to lose weight. Even though my eating disorder likes to tell me otherwise, I know that I am at a healthy weight right now.

But I think I’m ready to get stronger and more fit. For me, recovery means having an all around healthy body, not just a healthy numerical weight.

So starting tomorrow, I will be experimenting with a little bit of jogging in the morning. Part of me is worried I will trigger myself, but I think it’s time to try.

Video 20 Aug 1 note

Selfies with Marilyn!

Photo 19 Aug 10,341 notes

(Source: freeingeileen)

via smile..
Video 19 Aug 194,804 notes

(Source: -teesa-)

Text 18 Aug 5 notes Fear Is My Life

As a Type One diabetic, I live in a constant state of uncertainty. What will my blood sugars be today? Did I take enough insulin to cover that food? What is happening inside my body that I can’t see? Is the neuropathy in my feet getting worse or is this just an off day?

I’ve been at war with my body since I was 3 years old. My 20 year anniversary is one week away. I’ve had so many ups and downs, both in blood sugars and in general, over the years.

Most days I don’t worry too much. I take care of myself and do what I have to do. I live a very full and busy life.

But then there are days like today where I am afraid of my own body and my illness. I have fighting off recurring high blood sugars for 4 days now. Once I get down to a semi-normal reading I sky rocket again.

I’ve done everything I can to control these numbers. I’ve been taking correction doses, drinking lots of water, and searching for a reason for this. I even went to the doctor today to have my feet looked at and my urine tested.

The hard thing about this illness is that sometimes there just isn’t a reason. No matter how tight of control you try to have over your glucose levels, they still go up and down sometimes. Even if your numbers are in range, you still feel sick and tired sometimes.

I guess all I can do for now is keep chasing these high numbers and hope I can find some common ground with my body before long.

But it is frightening. And I feel very alone in this battle.

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