- Me: I've never been in this much emotional pain before in my life. I'm collapsing and everything hurts and how the hell do I endure another second of this agony?
- *5 minutes later*
- Me: Huh I'm totally fine.
lydiateasedale said: Just wanted to say good for you - just keep in mind that what you saw in the mirror was the real thing, even if you start to think otherwise again. :)
You are a doll. Thank you for the words of encouragement!
So, usually I avoid the full length mirror until I am fully dressed. Well, today I caught a glimpse of myself in just my bra.
And I couldn’t help but think… “Damn, I’m kinda hot!”
It was the most bizarre experience and feeling. My days are usually filled with self hatred and loathing of my body. I’m usually just desperately wishing I could crawl out of my skin.
But for whatever reason, today is different. Is this the breakthrough toward loving my body that I’ve been searching for?
But even if this is the only day I ever feel this way, that would be alright because I feel sexy and confident for now.
And it’s great.
I never thought I would mind being in a manic state because when the depression is active, it is miserable. But this mania… Fuck. It’s killing me.
ON TUMBLR WE ARE REQUIRED TO POST THIS EVERY YEAR.
(i literally waited till midnight to post this)
Put a number in my ask and I’ll tell you my favourite
- TV Show
- Thing to Do
- Clothing Store
- Person from history
My girlfriend/fiancé of the last four years once again broke up with me. And for good this time. She is coming today to pick up her things.
Our lease is up on the 30th at this apartment, and since we are not together anymore I cannot move in with her at the new place. So up until yesterday I thought I would be homeless with my 3 animals.
Fortunately, my grandmother is willing to let us all come stay with her until I am able to save up enough to get my own place.
I am so grateful to her for taking me in.
I am heartbroken and I feel like my world is collapsing.
Anyone with an eating disorder can relate to the fact that stress and emotional pain tends to give the eating disorder thoughts a lot of power and room to be nasty.
And my disorder has been trying to drag me down further and further since this happened,
"I’m not good enough for anybody. Nobody will ever want me. My family is so annoyed that they have to help me right now. I am shit and that’s why everyone chooses their addictions over me. I don’t even deserve to be happy or to eat today."
These are just a few of the thoughts that have been going through my mind.
Even if I don’t believe it right now, I know that I am strong and I need to take care of myself right now. I deserve to being a loving and caring relationship, not one where I am controlled and lied to.
I respect myself enough to try and find away to move forward with my life.
As much as I know this to be true, I still fucking hurt right now.
Four fucking years of my life put into a relationship that is over. We went through a lot of shit together, but she is not in love with me anymore.
So I guess that is that. Where do I go from here now?